I’ve written over 300 sonnets.
Here are a handful of my personal favorites.
I’ll post others from time to time so check back again because I have lots of favorites.
Running Away From Home
A five year old was scolded by his dad
And told his folks, “ I’m going to run away.”
It didn’t seem like they were even sad.
“Good bye, write home.” Was all they had to say.
He packed a bag with things to take along,
A toothbrush, Teddy Bear, and candy bar.
He realized that things were going wrong
Before he’d really gotten very far.
He sat down on the curb, home still in sight.
He’d run away, but now he questioned why.
A neighbor stopped and asked, “Are you alright ?”
He held back tears and then began to cry.
“I’m going home,” He whimpered in defeat.
“I’m not allowed to go across the street.”
Parking Place Thief
A grandma in a Walmart parking lot
Had driven back and forth in every aisle.
The lot was full. She couldn’t find a spot,
But then a car seen leaving made her smile.
She stopped where she could easily pull in
And waited while it exited the space.
As it drove off, and much to her chagrin,
A rusty truck cut in and stole her place.
The driver when confronted smelled like booze,
And as he walked away he turned and said,
“A lesson for you. Call it Snooze You Lose.”
He later found a windshield note that read:
“A lesson for you. Call it Tit For Tat.
You’ll notice all your tires now are flat,”
Funeral Crashers
Two older folks with little else to do,
Would check obituaries every day.
They’d look for names of folks they never knew,
Then show up at their funerals anyway.
They’d get there early, find a place in back,
Then look bereaved and even shed some tears.
Of course they always came attired in black,
A routine they had kept for many years.
But then one day a preacher called them out.
“You folks are here a lot. Seems strange to me.
I need to know what this is all about. “
The wife responded with this fervent plea:
“We’re not bad people. Please don’t think us rude.
We simply love your church’s funeral food.”
Nuisance Phone Call Solutions
A telemarketer was on the line.
He asked a grandma, “How are you today?”
She answered, “ Well, ’til lately things were fine,
But yesterday my husband passed away.
“It seems I’ve caught the virus that he had.
I’ve got a fever, chills and body aches.
The diarrhea’ s getting pretty bad,
My head is pounding, and I’ve got the shakes.
“But I’m so glad you called. I feel so blue.
I’m all alone, my cat just ran away,
And I’ve been fretting over what to do
About some bills I can’t afford to pay.”
Just then she heard a click. The line went dead.
She laughed out loud. “Works every time.” she said.
Online Impostor
He placed his profile on a dating site.
Attracting lovely ladies was his plan.
He knew exaggeration wasn’t right,
But goddesses expect a perfect man.
He lied about his past, his job, his car.
He lied about his talents, age and height.
He used a picture of a movie star.
It wasn’t long before he had a bite.
Her message read, “At last! My kind of guy.”
Her photo and her profile made him drool.
They met. Alas, she too was prone to lie,
So both were duped and each felt like a fool.
Yet strangely somehow love began that night,
Which proves two wrongs can sometimes make a right.
Imaginary Friend
A boy who spent a lot of time alone
Created an imaginary friend,
And even when the lad was fully grown,
The long established friendship didn’t end.
They sometimes went on road trips in his car,
They liked to go to movies of all sorts,
And often they would hang out in a bar
Where they’d get stinking drunk while watching sports.
’Twas almost certain they’d be friends for life.
Alas, their closeness sparked some jealousy.
He got an ultimatum from his wife,
“You’ll have to choose,” she said, “It’s him or me.”
Ignoring her was what he chose to do
For she was just imaginary too.