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It’s late January and so far I’m keeping a resolution to write more new sonnets in 2023 than in 2022. My production slowed to a trickle last February when MSI Press offered to publish SPUNKY GRANDMAS….And Other Amusing Characters. Suddenly my efforts went in a different direction.

Turning a manuscript into a book involves more work for an author than most people realize. Manuscripts are really just a draft, so there is still an opportunity to make improvements.I went back and looked at every word and made quite a few tweaks. Then comes a final editing process which involves quite a bit of back and forth communication with the publisher.

While publishers take the lead in publicizing and distributing a book, they expect authors to be active in book promotion, as well. That meant creating and maintaining a website, harnessing social media, and calling on area book stores and gift shops to set up consignment sales arrangements. It also meant finding opportunities to share excerpts with live audiences.

Those promotional activities for Spunky Grandmas will continue in 2023, but if another book is in my future, there’s work to be done.

I’ve had folks who purchased SPUNKY GRANDMAS….And Other Amusing Characters tell me they’ve had occasion to read aloud to friends or family some of the stories in the book and say it’s been a fun experience. I’ve also had plenty of personal experience sharing them aloud with audiences on the many river cruise boat appearances I’ve made. I have learned, usually the hard way, some stories are better left exclusively to readers because they fall flat when read aloud.

If the humor is a little too subtle, audiences sometimes don’t get the joke and aren’t able to go back and figure it out. A reader has the advantage of being able to re-read and connect the dots.

For a listener, It seems to depend on the last two lines of the sonnet. If they deliver a good punchline that’s been set up well by the first twelve lines, the story is a hit. But one that might seem amusing or clever to a reader can be a real dud when aloud without a good punchline.

The book was written mostly with readers in mind, but I’ve found there are many that also work well for listeners. Obviously, those are the ones I rely on when I do appearances.

Authoring a book has led to an opportunity I really didn’t expect. I can now add “cruise ship entertainer” to my business card. It’s an interesting story how it all came about.

During the final editing process of my book, “SPUNKY GRANDMAS….And Other Amusing Characters,” my wife Sally and I happened to be vacationing on an American Cruise Lines cruise from Jacksonville to Charleston. Besides enjoying the trip, I was exchanging emails on a daily basis with the publisher. It was a bit upsetting that my onboard internet connection wasn’t very good. That turned out to be a lucky break. Sally, who unlike me, isn’t bashful about asking others for help, enlisted the help of the ship’s cruise director for technical assistance.

The cruise director became interested in the book, enjoyed some of my creations, and asked if I’d like to read a few excerpts to entertain fellow passengers during the daily cocktail hour. I jumped at the chance, and my brief “show” was a hit. That spawned the idea of approaching the folks at American Cruise Lines who hire onboard entertainers with a proposal to come aboard their ships when they’re docked in my hometown, Winona, MN. Their ships stop here about 35 times each year.

Knowing that Mark Twain is a name heard a lot on Mississippi River Cruises, I created a show called, “Humor In The Tradition Of Mark Twain,” and pitched it to the cruise line. In the show, I share some of my works and point out how they employ many of the same techniques Mark Twain used to tickle funny bones. I toss in a few of Twain’s best quotes along the way, and it makes for an entertaining 45 minutes. The presentation is about 10% enrichment lecture and 90% comedy act.

After submitting an audition video, I was given an opportunity to appear on their first Winona stop of the season. Things went well enough that I was given other opportunities, and I’ve now become a regular entertainer during their Winona stops. I usually sell a few books, but the bigger reward is the fun I have entertaining their guests.

Grandparents Day has been an official national holiday since 1978. It is always celebrated on the first Sunday after Labor Day which falls on September 11, this year. The US isn’t the only country that honors grandparents with a special holiday, but it falls on different dates, depending on the country. Gifts and cards are appropriate on Grandparents Day and retailers and greeting card companies are reminding us of this as I write. SPUNKY GRANDMAS…And Other Amusing Characters makes a great gift for this occasion, especially for a grandmother who likes a good laugh, and what grandma wouldn’t be flattered to think the gift giver associates her with the word, “spunky?

I’ve been asked if I will write another book to follow SPUNKY GRANDMAS….And Other Amusing Characters. My answer is, “I may have already written it. “

I’ve written about 200 sonnets. ( Fun fact: Shakespeare only wrote 154. ) About 100 are included in SPUNKY GRANDMAS, so there are about 100 more laying around ready to go into another book. All look for humor in human behavior and in the world in which we live.

What’s distinctive about the SPUNKY GRANDMAS sonnets is that nearly all have a narrator who tells a story with one or more characters and a plot that gets resolved. While there are similar stories among the rest, many tend to be observations and comments, not in story form. For example, there’s sonnet entitled “Coffee Snobs” and one called “Supermarket Tabloids.” Both are mildly satiric commentaries.

Another entitled “In Praise of Duct Tape” is posted on the Favorites page of this website.

I have never written a sonnet I considered finished when I completed the first version. I like to get 14 lines down as quickly as I can, but I know that’s just the beginning of a process that might not end for weeks or months, maybe even years.

Usually the next day will bring several changes, seemingly the result of mysterious, subliminal thought percolation that somehow occurs overnight. I can’t explain it. It just happens. If I look at it again a week later, I’ll usually find other changes I want to make.

At that point, it might be pretty close to as good as it’s going to get. That’s when I decide if I really like it or not. If I’m not satisfied, I’ll just forget about it for a while and lay fresh eyes on it weeks or months later. That doesn’t always work and some just never get to where I can feel proud of them. Even the ones I am happy with often get tweaked if I later take a fresh look.

The only thing that quells the urge to continuously review and revise is to publish something. That seems to add some finality to what might otherwise be a never ending process.

When I’m stumped for a rhyming word, a synonym or a definition, my go-to website is www.rhymezone.com. I go there a lot. In fact, I don’t believe I’ve ever written a sonnet without consulting this excellent source.

I never drive anywhere without the radio on, and I usually pay attention to song lyrics. I hear plenty of near rhymes in songs which seem to be perfectly acceptable to listeners. But I am a stickler for using only exact rhymes in my sonnets, and that makes the process a lot more challenging (and fun, as far as I’m concerned).

I also cringe anytime I hear lyrics where the songwriter has obviously “stretched” to find a rhyme. I always ask myself if the rhyming words in my sonnets truly advance the story or message or is a word there only because it rhymes. In such cases, I need to find a better rhyming word. Rhymezone often solves the problem.

But sometimes it doesn’t. In that case, I look at synonyms. If I can find a word that means the same as the word for which I can’t find a suitable rhyme, Im half way there. Then I just need to find a good rhyming word for my new word. Persistence and Rhymezone usually bring me to the desired result.

I marvel at rhyming poets from long ago who wrote great poems without the benefit of a resource like Rhymezone. I wouldn’t want to try writing sonnets without it.

The simplest answer is a 14 line poem. It can be about any topic. But if it doesn’t have exactly 14 lines, it isn’t a sonnet. Traditionally, sonnets have followed other “rules” besides the 14 line rule.

Traditional sonnets must have some type of rhyme pattern. I write mine in the Shakespearian Sonnet form. That means the first line rhymes with the third, the second with the fourth, the fifth with the seventh, the sixth with the eighth, the ninth with the eleventh, the tenth with the twelfth, and the thirteenth with the fourteenth. Some sonneteers might use different rhyme patterns, but a rhyme scheme of some type is one of the defining characteristics of a traditional sonnet.

Another characteristic is some type of rhythmic structure, commonly called meter (or metre if you’re British). That means arranging the words so there is a rhythmic alternation of emphasis on the syllables within those words. In the Shakespearian form the meter is called iambic and puts the emphasis on every other syllable ( ta-tum, ta-tum ta-tum ta-tum ta-tum). Notice you just saw 5 ta-tums. When you have exactly 5 of those in each line, it’s called iambic pentameter, another Shakespearian sonnet characteristic.

Still another element of the sonnet is a shift in direction that takes place at line #9. The first 8 lines might introduce a topic or problem that gets clarified or resolved in the last 6 lines. The last 2 lines are what count the most. They might be a summation or a punchline, but the highlight of any good sonnet is what’s said in the final two lines.

Even Shakespeare didn’t always follow all the rules, and some very good sonnets ignore most of them, but they all have exactly 14 lines or it’s not a sonnet.